Recently, one of my clients sent me an article, which poses this question… does social media actually make us lonelier?   As we head into the holiday season, a time which is called the “most wonderful time of the year” and yet consistently is cited as a period when people truly feel lonely, I decided to ponder this question.

The gist of the article is that while people think they are actually more connected with friends as a result of social media, in reality we are lonelier because we miss out on human interaction, specifically the type we used to have before the days of Facebook, Twitter, texting, emails, etc.  The art of communication is being lost since we can’t see people’s reactions, hear excitement or sadness in their voices.  Instead, we are reduced to clicking a “Like” button, or answering bizarre questions about your friends on Facebook apps in order to interact.

In some ways I agree with this article, but think it’s more a concern for the younger generation.  As one who spends her working hours immersed in social media (and some of my personal hours too), I admit I spend less time getting out, talking to other people on the phone, and speaking to other people in person.  However, as a so-called adult, I’m also not actively trying to hone my social skills.  Of course, I can always improve our communication skills, and I’m not saying that every now and then, I don’t put my foot in my mouth quite spectacularly.  However, I’d like to think by this point in my life, I sort of know what I’m doing.

Actually, I’m more concerned for my children and what they’re missing out on.  Compared to my kids, things were so different in the 70s and 80s.  When I was in 6th grade, boys didn’t ask me to date them over a text, and I didn’t break up with them on my cell phone.  And when issues arose at school, I didn’t beg my mom to send an email to the teacher to resolve it for me.  Because those forms of technology didn’t exist back then, I was forced to deal with human beings face-to-face.  (I also walked 3 miles to school in the snow.  Just kidding.)

I do get concerned that my kids won’t learn the fine art of communication.   When last I checked, my kids’ cell phone  texts were full of cutesy abbreviations and graphic symbols.  I’m not saying the letters I hand-wrote to my cousins and camp buddies were worthy of the Pulitzer Prize, but they were usually long and I attempted to be clear since I wasn’t going to receive any instant feedback of confusion saying, “what?????????”

So yes, social media may be contributing to the loss of communication skills.  But does that automatically make us lonelier?  I say no, it doesn’t.  As a result of Facebook, I was able to reconnect with old friends, from the homecoming queen to the boy who lived 3 doors down from me.  I found all of my beloved friends from summer camp, including my friend who just directed “Toy Story 3.”  I regularly chat on Facebook with friends in our community whom I don’t see often.  Recently, I sang at a religious service for one of my former students and posted a video of me singing on Facebook… and received warm comments of support from friends all over the country.

The one day of the year when social media truly doesn’t make me feel lonely is my birthday.  Have you ever received 60 birthday cards in the mail on your birthday?  I think I may have gotten 25 one year, but it was a milestone birthday.  But on Facebook, I routinely get more than 60 birthday greetings from friends on my wall.  And my friends do too.

So while meeting a friend at Starbucks may indeed be more gratifying than curling up with a computer, I don’t buy the argument that social media makes us lonelier.  It’s better to know you have all of those friends out there who care about you online, than to have nobody reaching out to you at all.  Happy holidays!

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